St. Valentine's: make a gift to Yourself First!

At the eve of the St. Valentine's Day, I would like to share my thoughts about celebrating Love. Let's begin as usual with the basics: what, why and how. The Saint Valentine's Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine is an important cultural, religious and commercial celebration of romance and love on 14 February. It's originally from Christianity. Named after a martyr Saint Valentine. The Valentine's Day is celebrated in many countries across the world, and even banned in some. However, love has no borders. But so... is the globalization (smiling).

The opinions on and experiences of the 14 February differ from person to person, family to family, region to region. The critics deny this celebration as "love’s commercialized" or blame "the spread of decadent Western culture". The proponents hustle to get gifts, flowers, chocolate, valentines and organize The romantic evening for their significant other. I say... as long as this particular day reminds us to give love and celebrate this soul-nurturing feeling, to create more beauty and generate warmth, the most importantly, to (re)-connect, appreciate the people we love and let them know our sentiments. Then, why not? One more special day to celebrate the sacred gift of Love doesn't harm anyone but actually creates an opportunity to fully live your life.

Nevertheless, every coin has two faces. St. Valentine's can make you feel dreadful on that day. Even hate this celebration. For various reasons. Either, you are single and looking for a relationship but cannot find The One or feeling lonely and unhappy in your current relationship. Or suffering the pain of the past relationship or lack of any romantic relationship. I was divorced&single on every St.Valentine's Day for about a decade. The deadly combination (giggling. But... given my culturally Muslim origins, it was a very personal (productive) journey of emancipation that made me figure out my way to create The healthy and happy family.

SelfLove on St. Valentine’s Day

All we need is Love. And first of all, SelfLove. We're often told "You have to love yourself more." "Why don't you love yourself?" "You can't love another person until you love yourself first." I bet you've heard this "helpful" advice gzillion times. But still don't know how to actually love yourself... and why it's so important? And for God's sake, how is it all connected to finding The One and being loved?! Luckily, your modest guru has found the answers and readily sharing them at www.modernparenting.online

I’m convinced that Love for self is a basic human need. Though, don't confuse it with selfishness, egoism or narcissism. Humanity needed centuries to develop a positive attitude towards SelfLove. And you wouldn't believe that the promotion of self-love has started with the fight for equality, human rights and dignity in the 19th century. The feminist movement called for self-love and self-worth along with the demands for rights, liberty and equality. Women should value themselves first through acceptance of, respect and love for self. To prioritize your well-being and selfcare. To treat yourself with kindness and compassion. To mother yourself first and after that the other family members.

Self-love is the foundation that allows us to be assertive, set boundaries and create healthy relationships with others, practice self-care, pursue our interests and goals, and feel proud of who we are. Sharon Martin, licensed psychotherapist. What is Self-Love and Why Is It So Important? (psychcentral.com)

Moreover, self-love is the essential part of our mental health. The struggles of many parents, such as depression and anxiety, are often rooted in the lack of self-love, the low self-esteem and the disconnection from our authentic self. In 2008, the study of the American Association of Suicidology defining self-love as "beliefs about oneself (self-based self-esteem) and beliefs about how other people regard oneself (other-based self-esteem)" concluded that the lack of self-love can increase the risk of suicide  “as depression, hopelessness and low-esteem are implications of vulnerability factors for suicide ideation.” (Beck, Bhar, Brown & Ghahramanlou‐Holloway 2008, "Self-Esteem and Suicide Ideation in Psychiatric Outpatients". Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior 38).

How can you express love for yourself on St. Valentine's Day?

Get yourself a gift! I am sure you have a list of "want it so much! But..." The "but" can be any excuse such as no time, no money, other more important things to do now, my loved ones to take care of... That’s exactly why you should make yourself a priority. Every. Single. Day. It's not easy. I know, trust me. Why not to begin with a gift for self on the Valentine's Day? Here's some simple tips and a bit of motivation:

• How do you want the St. Valentine's Day this year? Yes, you in particular. How do you want to spend that day to celebrate Love? Your love for those special people in your life.

• Make sure your gift is wrapped. Imagine, you're preparing a surprise Valentine's present for a loved one. Yes, you're special! And loved!

• Don't even doubt if you deserve it. You do! More than you think. Just because of who you are. Just because of what you do for your family.

• Never done that before and it’s kind of weird to gift yourself? Well, we're often advised to try new things, to expand our horizons, to get out of our comfort zone to grow and evolve. So, why not?

• Congratulate, express gratitude and reward yourself for a hard work well-done on a daily basis.

• The last but not least: get a gift for yourself first and then for your partner, children and other important people in your life.

Self-Gift Ideas

(and yes, I‘ve got these gifts for myself on the St. Valentine's Days)

• Buy that purse/pair of shoes/dress/mascara/cream/lipstick you want for so long!

• Buy a laptop/upgrade your software/phone.

• Sign up for gym or fitness club membership.

• A gift card for a day in spa or beauty salon.

• A gift card for an arts/pottery/foreign language classes/insert your "want" or self-development courses.

• Book A Free Discovery Call or an online session with me/sign up for our free newsletter or subscription to Modern Parenting. Check out our website for a Gift of Love and enjoy 15% off sitewide, the offer is valid 7-15 February 2022, coupon code: LOVE

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• Hire a baby-sitter/nanny/cleaning person/virtual assistant/gardener/any other support services.

• Organize a get-away weekend with your partner/girlfriends/alone.

Accept yourself fully.

Treat yourself with kindness and respect.

Nurture your growth and wellbeing.

Celebrate your love for Self this St. Valentine's Day!

Create The Healthy&Happy Family together with us!

Hugs from the The Feminine Feminist,

Gulnoz

The Feast of Saint Valentine was established by Pope Gelasius I in AD 496 to be celebrated on February 14 in honour of Saint Valentine of Rome, who died on that date in AD 269. The day became associated with romantic love in the 14th and 15th centuries when notions of courtly love flourished, apparently by association with the "lovebirds" of early spring. In 18th-century England, it grew into an occasion in which couples expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines"). Valentine's Day symbols that are used today include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have given way to mass-produced greeting cards. Wiki.