Let's STOP Mansplaining!

When step out of my place, a male neighbor shows me how to clean the front door area. I get into a taxi, a male driver explaines me the significance of the Motherhood and strongly advices to stay at home to take care of my toddler instead of dropping him off in a daycare and going to work. Applying for an ID card, a male police officer gives me an instruction on how to properly hold my baby and points out "the better (correct) spelling" of my child's name (seriously?!).

Have you ever experienced something similar? I bet, it's daily. Or at least, very often. Interestingly, it must be the case regardless of your location and occupation... Even Mrs. Hillary Clinton gets mainsplained! I've had a gzillion of that annoyingly frustrating experience in the different parts of the world. A man adressing me in a superior tone and trying to explain me the Life. As if I've been born just yesterday (rolling my eyes). Or things which could be easily presumed that I actually know. Even quite well. Maybe even better than him! However, so called "the best male expert on this planet" makes so clear that I have no clue about it and couldn't even possibly understand it. But... he knows better! The Expert, you know.The most ridiculuous is when it's about law and legal issues - my profesional field of expertise! Mind that I am an experienced Oxford human rights lawyer... Yes, that's me on the cover of this article. So, let's dig in. What's that phenomena...?

The main points:

• Mainsplaining is a gender-based discrimination of women and girls.

• It negatively affects and harms our mental health and relationships.

• Mansplaining is a male domination power tool.

• We should educate men and boys, women and girls about the negative effects of mansplaining on our life, family and community in general.

• You want to improve the quality of your life and ready to take actions to be a happier man, father or a happier woman/mother!

• Make your family healthier and happier. I can teach you how. Click here

Definition of Manslplaining

It's a mansplaining. The word is tracked back to New York of 2008. Rebecca Solnit wrote an essay "Men Explain Things to Me" referring to the fact that every woman gets talked down by a man in a patronising and condescending manner. In her essay, she descibes a man who's tried to explain her the book that she actually wrote. Paradoxially, he didn't know the contents of that book, just heard about it. Isn't ironic?

Mansplaining (noun) 1. The practice of a man explaining something to a woman in a way that shows he thinks he knows and understands more than she does. 2. A patriarchal act that trains women in self-doubt and self-limitation just as it exercises men's unsupported overconfidence. (Oxford dictionary).

Mansplaining does not have a particular race or colour, social class, culture or religion, nor specific geograshical location. Certainly, in the conservative societies women face mansplaining more often than in liberal due to the widespread stereotypes and deeply rooted traditional gender roles. Moreover, it is not peculiar to a particular age group. A teenager boy can mainsplain a girl, for example, or even if he dares - a grown-up woman. It is based on how he was taught to behave and interact with women and girls. The mansplaining is a typical example of gender inequality. Therefore, we notice remarks and conversations to make women and girls less than men and boys across various expeiences in different shperes.

Every woman knows what I’m talking about. It’s the presumption that makes it hard, at times, for any woman in any field; that keeps women from speaking up and from being heard when they dare; that crushes young women into silence by indicating, the way harassment on the street does, that this is not their world. It trains us in self-doubt and self-limitation just as it exercises men’s unsupported overconfidence. Rebecca Solnit

I'm not a man-hater. Not at all. On the contrary, I am surrounded by mostly men in my life and raise two sons. Oh, and have a husband (imagine!). So, I have nothing against a man or a boy explaining me something. Or any other person, for that matter. I love learning new things! I am indeed a life-long learner. As long as I am explained or taught something I do not know or understand... Emphasis on "do not". And preferably upon my request. In a respectful manner. Without undermining my authority of a parent or a professional. Simply without bringing me down as a person just because I am a woman.

A man mainsplains if he interrupts and speaks over a woman or a girl to correct her and to explain what she presumably knows. You wouldn't believe bt accrding to the studies "women are interrupted more than men, men account for 75 percent of speech during business meetings, men dominate classroom discussions, and men’s tweets are even retweeted almost twice as much as those of female Twitter users". Seven Studies That Prove Mansplaining Exists | Bitch Media. Often, these interruptions are related to the experiences unique to women and girls. For example, a female body.

When men interrupt or presume to correct a woman who is speaking of her own experience or expertise, they are implying that she is ignorant, that she is incapable of having authoritative knowledge. They are saying, essentially, “Shh. I know best.” 6 Subtle Forms Of Mansplaining That Women Encounter Each Day (bustle.com)

The Effects of Mansplaining on Women and Girls

It makes us feel stupid. Vulnerable. Powerless. Weak. Hurt. Anxious. Scared. Worthiless. Less than what we are... We start doubting our knowledge, decisions and actions. Ourselfves. It brings us down. Upsets. Lowers our self-esteem and negatively effects our confidence. Triggers us. Generates anger. Grudge. Forces us into submission. To a man. With the aim to convince her that she can never be as good as a man in anything, anywhere, anytime... It's a gender-based discrimination, and in some severe cases, a part of psychological abuse. If that's how you interact with your woman or daughter, mother or sister or any other woman, you should stop that imediately and reconsider your approach. Show some curiosity. Don't interrupt. Try to listen and hear what she has to say.

Mansplaining and Family (Power) Dinamics

In our industrialised world, both parents should work in most of the cases to pay family bills and provide chidlren with favourable conditions to grow into happy and healthy adults. Thus, division of labour and gender roles shifted. However, the milleniums old social construct of a man being the only breadwinner and a woman - caretaker of children and household keeper hasn't adjusted to the new realitiies of our lives. Thus, a man-of-the house automatically tries to dominate at home. And here comes the mainsplaining in the domestic sphere. As a patriarchal notion, it "encourages power relation with emphasis on the domineering attitude of males and being a one-way communication means that the discussion is done by one person with an indirect demand placed on the listener". What Is Mansplaining? How To Stop It In 17 Ways (hernorm.com).

Who would like "Shut up, woman!" top-down attitude? And the frictions and arguments among partners begin. A harmful power struggle that negatively impacts the couple relationship, children and generally the enviroment in the family. The man becomes abusive towards the mother of his children and his daughters. The sons replicate this unhealthy behaviour towards his Mom and siblings, female siblings in particular. The vicious cycle of abusive relationships that makes your family unhappy and unhealthy... See the cause and effect chain of mansplaining? Your children would be the ones to suffer the most and get traumatised for life.

What Should and Can We Do?

I would like to remind you the universal standard of "We're born equal". One of the best achievements of the last century on equality of men and women: the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women, New York, 18 December 1979. Why would you care about this standard? Because you're a modern parent living in the 21st century. Because you want your children to grow up happy and healthy adults. Because you want to build a happy and healthy relationship with your partner. Because you want to be happy yourself. If you're aparent of a girl, you want her to stand up for herself. If you're a parent of a son, you want him to be able to create healthy and healthy relationshis in future. And mansplaining is a discrimination against a woman or a girl. Learn yourself about it and teach your kids for their better future.

Discrimination against women: any distinction, exclusion or restriction made on the basis of sex which has the effect or purpose of impairing or nullifying the recognition, enjoyment or exercise by women, irrespective of their marital status, on a basis of equality of men and women, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural, civil or any other field." Article 1 of the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women

For MEN and BOYS:

You can avoid being a mansplainer by asking yourself these questions (UN WOMEN):

• Did she indicate any desire to hear this information?

• Is it possible that she knows more about this topic than I do?

• Did I read the room before starting to speak?

• If you're a co-parent with a woman, book your session of our "Equal Parenting" Program now and here! Learn how to be a better partner and a father! Learn to work as a team. Fair. Respectful. Loving&Caring Partner. Learn how to be happier in your family life.

I want to be a happy partner and father!

For WOMEN and GIRLS:

• When you feel uncomfortable about the interruption by a man or a boy when you're talking and explaining you something, feel free to directly calling him of the unacceptable for you and say: "Sorry, I didn't finish. You've interrupted me" or" Thank you for your explanation. BUT I don't appreciate mansplaining". If he doesn't know what it means, give him a lesson on mansplaining and on how you wouldn't tolerate to be treated. In case, refer him to the above-mentioned questions to avoid this discriminatory behaviour.

• Never let any man or a boy to bring you down just because you're a woman or a girl. Keep in mind that we're born equal. Women and girls are as capable as men and boys.

• Speak up for yourself. Express your opinion. It's important. Say oit out loud, even if mansplained in the meantime by a man or a boy.

• If you're a co-parent with a man, learn how to stand up for yourself, teach you daughter to protect herself and your son to build happy and healthy relationship with a woman in future! Book your session now and here!

I want to be a happy woman, partner and the best mother to my kids!

Reminder: You Can Do It! Just Take Action!

Happy Parents = Happy Children.

Happy Partner&Happy Children = Happy You!

Gulnoz, Your Life Coach for Parents aka Oxford Human Rights Lawyer

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