Rebalancing Roles: Navigating Your Journey to Equal Parenting
- Gulnoz Saydamin
- Jun 19, 2023
- 6 min read
Updated: Jun 21, 2023
The road to gender equality is marked by many important milestones. One such milestone, requiring our collective attention and commitment, is equal parenting. My personal journey, filled with transformation and learning, has brought me to a unique understanding of these dynamics. Raised in a Muslim society by Soviet parents who championed motherhood and embraced a clear division of labor at home, I experienced a different world.
My mother was the primary caregiver, while my father was the principal breadwinner. Also working as a professor at the university - a job deemed more suitable for a woman - she never pursued her career ambitions. Despite these societal gender expectations, my father continually emphasized the importance of education and professional growth for me. On the other hand, my mother insisted that self-realisation for a woman lies in marriage and motherhood.
Equal parenting represents an empowering model in which mothers and fathers share responsibility and joy in raising their children, marking a significant shift from traditional gender roles.
Fast forward to today, and I'm fortunate to have had children with partners who have willingly challenged and stepped away from stereotypical gender roles - both my ex-husband and current husband. They have not only supported my career growth as a human rights lawyer but have also actively shared in tasks typically associated with women's roles, while I have contributed to what is traditionally considered the breadwinner's job. Thus, I have experienced firsthand that the transition to equal parenting isn't always easy, but it's undoubtedly possible and, ultimately, rewarding.
Equal parenting plays a pivotal role in our quest for gender equality. It enables a balanced distribution of domestic responsibilities and models equality and respect for children. This shared approach to parenting helps to remove structural and societal barriers, preventing women from full workforce participation and restricting men from fully engaging in domestic life. Moreover, in our modern world, parenting roles are continually evolving. Same-sex parents, single parents, and co-parents are breaking away from traditional notions of parenting, reflecting the rich diversity of family structures. In these scenarios, division of labor is based on the specific strengths, skills, and circumstances of parents, rather than outdated gender norms.
Unveiling Equal Parenting: Advantages and Challenges
Parenting models can range from traditional to modern. In traditional models, responsibilities are divided based on stereotypical gender roles - the father as the provider and the mother as the caregiver. In contrast, equal parenting aims for a balanced distribution of child-rearing duties, including daily care, education, emotional support, and house chores. Remember, each family is unique, and what works best for one might not work for another. The goal of equal parenting is to find a balance that respects both parents' contributions and ensures the best outcomes for children.
Advantages of Equal Parenting:
Adopting an equal parenting model can indeed provide numerous benefits for both the children and the parents involved. These advantages become apparent when both parents are capable, willing, and have the resources to equally share parenting responsibilities:
Children's Enhanced Development: Children benefit emotionally, socially, and academically from the active involvement of both parents. Research demonstrates that the active involvement of both parents is beneficial for a child's emotional and cognitive development. Moreover, parents often have different skills and strengths. By equally contributing to childcare and home management, children have a chance to learn a more diverse set of skills and gain from both parents' knowledge.
Improved Parent-Child Relationships: When both parents share caregiving tasks, it allows them to build strong, separate bonds with their children. Quality of parent-child relationships is enhanced when parents do not feel burdened or overwhelmed by the demands of sole parental responsibility.
Benefits for Mothers: This could mean better career opportunities, improved mental health, and personal fulfillment beyond their role as a mother. With shared responsibilities, mothers experience less stress and are less likely to suffer from postnatal depression. The shift to a fair division of domestic labour between parents prevents resentment in mothers towards a parenting partner due to perceived injustice, which ultimately results in better childcare.
Benefits for Fathers: Fathers who participate more in parenting tasks report higher levels of satisfaction, happiness, and psychological well-being. This is further backed by the evidence that the highest levels of parental satisfaction with parenting arrangements after divorce are found in equal parenting arrangements, benefiting both mothers and fathers.
Better Parental Relationship: Shared parenting responsibilities can lead to greater relationship satisfaction and, combined with a decrease in stress due to the shared workload, can enhance relationship stability. Equal parenting allows both parents to appreciate the tasks and responsibilities that the other parent typically handles, leading to increased mutual respect and understanding.
Work-Life Balance and Personal Growth: When parenting tasks are shared, both parents are more likely to feel balanced in their work and personal life. Engaging in different aspects of parenting allows both parents to learn and grow, enhancing their skills and capacities. Equal parenting means dividing household chores and childcare responsibilities, reducing the burden on one parent. This balance allows both parents to have time for personal pursuits, career, and self-care.
Positive Role Modeling: Children with parents who share tasks equally have more balanced views on gender roles and are more likely to embrace gender equality in their own future relationships. Equal parenting instills an egalitarian view in children, shaping the way the next generation perceives and divides household and parenting duties.
Resilience During Crisis: In times of family crisis, such as illness or job loss, having two fully engaged parents can be a significant advantage. The family is more resilient and can adjust to changes with less stress.
Increased Financial Stability: When both parents are free to pursue their careers, it can lead to increased financial stability for the family.
Gender Equality Promotion and Mutual Respect: Equal parenting helps break down traditional gender roles, promoting equality both within the family unit and in society at large. Moreover, it fosters an environment of mutual respect and cooperation.
Challenges of Equal Parenting
However, it's important to recognize that the transition to equal parenting can also present challenges:
Transition Difficulties: Changing traditional roles can be a difficult journey for many families, especially for those deeply ingrained in traditional gender roles. It can take time and patience to unlearn these habits and adjust to new ones.
Societal Pressure and Judgment: Families practicing equal parenting might face criticism or judgment from those who adhere to traditional gender roles. Such societal pressure, including from your family members, can be challenging to handle.
Potential Career Impact: While equal parenting promotes work-life balance, it could also mean that both parents might have to make certain compromises in their career paths to accommodate family responsibilities. This isn't necessarily a negative aspect but is worth considering.
Differences Over Parenting Styles: With both parents equally involved, there might be more occasions for disagreements over parenting decisions and styles. Parents would need to develop strong communication and negotiation skills to handle such situations effectively.
Balancing Act Stress: Striving for a 50-50 split in responsibilities can sometimes become stressful. It's essential to understand that equal parenting is more about fairness and flexibility than achieving an exact equal split in tasks.
Confronting Challenges and Welcoming Equal Parenting
The journey towards equal parenting is not without challenges. It requires dismantling years of ingrained stereotypes and norms. But remember, equal parenting is about leveraging each parent's strengths, creating a harmonious home, and raising children who are happy, healthy, and understanding of equality. As a life coach for parents, I am here to guide and support you on this transformative journey. My coaching program is designed to help parents navigate the challenges and celebrate the rewards of equal parenting.
Are you ready to step towards a more balanced, fulfilling parenting experience, and a more equitable world? Let's work together to make this happen, one family at a time. Book your free discovery call today.
In summary, the path to equal parenting can be both challenging and rewarding, offering significant benefits to children, parents, and society at large. However, it requires patience, commitment, and flexibility from both parents. It's a journey worth embarking on, as it paves the way for more gender equality in our society.
Stay tuned for my next blog post, where I'll delve deeper into practical strategies for moving towards equal parenting.
Gulnoz, Your Life Coach for Parents
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