Strong&Independent At Home: How-To Tips
- Gulnoz Saydamin
- Mar 7, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 8, 2023
I was born in the Soviet Union to the culturally Muslim parents. The nuclear mix, trust me... I was raised to serve the men of the family and programmed to find "The Prince Charming", make children and live happily ever after... BUT! Surprise, surprise! I have decided for myself who I wanted to be and how to live my life. Became a human rights lawyer. Served in the OSCE and UN post-conflict and war zone missions, graduated from Oxford, etc. Read my article: Strong&Independent: professional portrait (modernparenting.online)
Well, my life choices and decisions didn't make me a man-hater. On the opposite, as an advocate for women's rights and gender equality, I have started to figure out how to be in a successful partnership with men and raise feminist boys. To break the cycle of harmful practices in the domestic sphere. Luckily, I am surrounded by men. Interestingly, the adult men in my family circle are culturally and religiously Muslim with a mixture of the authoritarian Soviet mentality. The Husband and in-laws are from Shariah law country. I am raising two sons (wouldn't mind a daughter for a gender-balance at home). Imagine my roller-coaster life! (nervous giggling)
"You're so right, I am not calm; I am fire, I am living, I am colour, I am essence, I am pleasure, I am rebellion, I am instinct, I am skin, I am revolution, I can be anything but calm" – Frida Kahlo
Equality with Men at Home: How to?
To cut a long story short, my emancipation journey of more than 40 years has taught me to self-respect, to self-love, to self-care, to self-educate, to self-help and to set firm boundaries and, most importantly, to raise the awareness of both men and women, boys and girls about women's rights, gender equality and non-discrimination. Surely, it's easier said than done. I was trained to protect the vulnerable to my best ability at work. To stand up. To speak up. I do that on autopilot in my professional capacity. It's much harder at home as the emotions and feelings are involved. My objectivity is blurred. Nevertheless, I think I am working it out. So, let me share some tips with you.
Tip #1 - Start with The Self-Respect
I know it's the most difficult one. So, how? Just treat yourself as you were taught to be respectful to others. Who's the person you respect the most in your life? Imagine that person in your situation, what would you do? How would you behave? Then, apply that to yourself. Imagine you're that person you respect the most in life. It's you. No doubts.
Tip #2 - Self-Love
Mother yourself first. How do you love your children? I bet, unconditionally. Apply the same behavior towards yourself. By the way, the feminists of the 19th century started to advocate for self-love as an indespensible part of dignity and self-esteem. For more, read my article St. Valentine's: make a gift to Yourself First! (modernparenting.online).
Tip #3 - Self-Care
Take good care of your mental and phisical health. Eat well. Sleep enough. Exercise. Get rest on time. You can learn more about selfcare strategies in our Blog and our instragram.
Tip #4 - Self-Educate
Never stop learning. If you can't figure out something, google it. Make your research to take an informed decision. Check out our Blog, you will find a lot of interesting read for free. Foolow us on instragram. Book your FREE discovery call.
Tip #5 - Self-Help
Be kind, compassionate and supportive to yourself. However, if you feel that it's getting too hard and you feel like you need a professional help, do not hesitate to see a therapist. Yes, you deserve it! You matter, your feelings matter, your well-being matters.
Tip #5 - Firm Boundaries
Teach your children and partner the lines that they shouldn't cross. Set clear healthy boundarities. Kindly but firmly explain how you accept to treated. With respect, love and care. Don't let your loved ones hurt your feeling. Family doesn't mean that you tolerate mistreatment. If the relationships cross the line of abuse, refer to a psychologyst and, if needed to social services and law enforcement agencies. Protect yourself. Stand up for yourself. Don't tolerate for the sake of children. The abuse enviroment traumatises you and children for life.
We Are Born Equal
Keep repeating that we should have equal opportunities and share the family respensibilities in a balanced manner. We should talk about gender equality and non-discrimination in our circle to raise the awareness and to act accordingly, both with men and women. Teach men and boys how to treat you and girls right: equally and with the same respect as they do with other men and boys. Teach women and girls. You wouldn't believe that it's the older women who often bully and exploit the younger women and girls at home, especially in the traditional societies.
If you need more support, Visit our Website, Read our Blog, Book Your Session . Celebrate Yourself on 8 March and everyday. You're Special.
Go, go, girl! You can make it! I did.
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