Freedom of Religion Or Belief: Clash of Opinions in Family
- Gulnoz Saydamin
- Apr 29, 2022
- 10 min read
I respect the cultures and traditions,
the religions and believes.
However, I refuse to accept the pertinent harmful practices.
I advocate for respect of human rights and freedoms,
the autonomy of a person and his/her free will.
My "Religious" Journey
The next week, 1/4 of the world population will celebrate the end of 30-days fasting: Eid-al-Fitr. The monotheistic religion of Islam that has 1.9 billion adherents according to the study conducted in 2020 is the second largest (after Christianity of 2,5 billion followers) and the fastest-growing religion on the Planet Earth. I was raised religiously Muslim, but I have become spiritual as adult. I believe in the energy flow. Now, I am convinced that the religions are surely effective instruments to control the masses. An offence of your religious sentiments is not intended. It's simply my humble opinion. Feel free to disagree or challenge. I love stimulating dialogues.
I was born to a family of the Soviet intellectuals. With atheism propagated and the practice of religions persecuted, my parents have modestly exercised Sunni Islam in a hidden manner during the Soviet times and a bit more openly after the collapse of the Union. I have grown up in the predominantly Muslim society but received secular education. In decades of living in Europe, I have become
a cosmopolitan person.
The most memorable religious rituals of before my adulthood were definitely the celebrations of Eid-al-Fitr, the first day of the Islamic month of Shawwal. It marks the end of Ramadan, which is a month of fasting and prayer. The Eid memories of my childhood in Tashkent (Uzbekistan) are bright and happy. The total clean up at home and the laundry wash up before the Eid was a
must! On its eve, my Mom would have baked local sweets and cooked Uzbek national dish - Pilaf - "the Uzbek meat risotto" as my Spanish named it after tasting my cooking. The tradition is to make sure that the Pilaf is served before the sunset. At the final stages of the rice steaming, the cook expresses gratitude for blessings and requests for the well-being of the family members and those who would eat that meal.
A portion of Pilaf complemented by sweets are offered to the neighbors. The plates are exchanged on the night of the Eid eve. In the morning of Eid, everyone is dressed up, preferably in new clothes. I would run to my parents first to congratulate each other. The older family members have congratulated the younger by giving sweets and petty cash. That was the best part of Eid! My son's love that moment the most too!
The festivities continued with the visiting of newlywed brides. The most colorful memories. Together with my besties (girls only), we would go from house to house where we remembered a wedding has taken place recently. The doors would have been wide open welcoming guests. A new bride would greet by a special ritual of bowing in a beautiful headscarf. The most important was to get some tea served by the newlywed bride. And us, as kids, would be allowed to take away some sweets and candies from the generously served table. Traditionally, she should change her outfit several times to show off her beauty and the wealth of her husband. Every little girl would admire that bride and imagine her first Eid celebration as a newly married wife. Aspiration...The last enjoyable part of the festivities was the visit ours elders of the family with my Father. They would be so happy to see us and grateful for respect and attention on that day, in particular. I would enjoy listening to their wisdom about life, their advice and a genuine interest (or curiosity, you name it!) about me, my brother and sister, my Mom.
The celebrations of Eid in Europe where I have lived for 17 years was different experience for me. It was limited to a small private celebration by the Muslim minority communities. Though, it was an interesting cultural exchange to learn about various traditions of Muslims in different countries. Well, video call with my family would warm up my heart. I have experienced that myself and learned even more about struggles of Muslim minorities in the West during my OSCE/ODIHR work on freedom of religion or belief and discrimination against the Muslims in US, Canada and Europe.
My Father, who's travelled the world his whole life, would always repeat: “The strength of faith and the ethnic identity becomes stronger when far away from family and home". When travelling a lot, one becomes a citizen of the world. A cosmopolitan. Cherry-picking from different cultures and religions... However, some elements from the culture of origin remain undeniably preserved. I’m culturally Muslim. So, the Eid is an important celebration for me. It’s included in the list of our festive holidays in the calendar of my family.
When Opinions on Religion Are Different within Family
Every family decides on their lifestyle. However, in most of the cases the cultural background predetermines it. And culture often includes a religion. The family life is centered around that particular religion passed from generation to generation. What's the impact of the religion on family well-being and relationships? The scientists are divided.
Some psychologists suggest the positive impact of the religion on family: more harmony, less chances of divorce, emotional and spiritual support, stronger family ties, solid set of values. However, the negative effects include intolerance and lack of autonomy. Role of Religion: How Religion Affects Family Relationships (catholicfaithstore.com)
Moreover, the different opinions and positions on religion and lifestyle may lead to serious conflicts and clashes within the family. Numerous relationship problems and arguments might be caused by a religion. "The reasons for this outcome are numerous and include but are not limited to:
Children beginning to question the religious practices and beliefs of their parents.
Conversion of a child to a different religion that upsets parents.
Children being involved in drinking alcohol and other activities that religion forbids and/or views as sinful and negative.
Having different views on moral issues where religion has a certain stance. For example, a conflict may occur when a decision of a family member to have an abortion directly contradicts the beliefs of the rest of the family.
Choice of a boyfriend/girlfriend or a life partner. If a child chooses to be with a person from another faith, the parents might be upset or even share negative feelings towards the union; living with a partner from another faith can also cause a range of conflicts when making important decisions, i.e. which school should the kids go to.
Choice of a career or a job. Children may choose jobs that contradict religious views in their family; one example is choosing to be a member of the military and get shipped to conflict zones." Religious Conflicts in Families: The Etymology and How to Solve Them? (marriage.com)
Religion or Belief: Undeniable Human Right and Freedom of Everyone, Not Obligation
In the patriarchal and conservative families, the misinterpreted religion - emphasis added: the mistaken interpretation of the core religious teachings - often leads to discrimination, violation of human rights of children and women as well as domestic abuse and ill-treatment. The religion in many cases is imposed or forced on children and women using the power dynamics, predominantly by men as the main breadwinners. However, women also assert pressure on children using their authority of a parent.
Article 18 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights
Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance. For example, I have seen today a girl of 3 years old in a Muslim headscarf as her mother's covered. I find it inappropriate and erroneous. A woman or a girl should not be demanded, pressured or forced to cover their head and other parts of her body with a scarf or hijab. It should be her own personal choice. She should be free to take that decision for herself. A girl child should be at the appropriate age to understanding the meaning of covering herself.
Article 18 of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights
1. Everyone shall have the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion. This right shall include freedom to have or to adopt a religion or belief of his choice, and freedom, either individually or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in worship, observance, practice and teaching.
2. No one shall be subject to coercion which would impair his freedom to have or to adopt a religion or belief of his choice.
3. Freedom to manifest one's religion or beliefs may be subject only to such limitations as are prescribed by law and are necessary to protect public safety, order, health, or morals or the fundamental rights and freedoms of others.The same applies to boys and men. They should not be coursed go to mosque, synagogue or church. Nobody should be neither requested nor demanded to regularly pray. I would like to remind that a freedom to adopt, practice change or renounce a religion or belief is a universally accepted human rights standard included in the international Bill of Rights which includes the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the legally binding International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights and International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights.
Religion or Belief of Our Children
I have married a man from the family with particular disagreements on religion. My Husband's mother is a very devoted and conservative Sunni Muslim, his father is moderate modern Muslim. My Husband has grown up in this confusion and conflict of his parents. Frankly, I don't appreciate the reminders by my parents-in-law about our "obligation" to pray 5-times a day or fast during Ramadan. Or the circumcision of my son. By the way, in case you're facing some frictions with your mother-in-law, my piece of advice in this article - Positive relationship with your Mother-in-Law? Possible. With 5 simple rules. (modernparenting.online) - is a must read for you!
I have made this mistake with my firstborn which he's questioned our decision on circumcisions at the older age. I was weaker to stand my position against his father and our families on that issue. I do not want to repeat the same mistake with my second son. I consider genital mutilation as cruel and harmful mistreatment of a child's body. This Muslim ritual has caused serious disagreement between me and my husband. Surely, himself as a moderate Muslim and his family, they insist on the soonest circumcision of our 1-year old boy. I have refused standing my ground this time firmly. Let my son himself take this decision when he would be at the age when he understands the meaning and if finds it important for himself.
I would like to remind that surely, we as parents have our right and duty over the moral upbringing of our children. But we should keep in mind that we should nevertheless respect the right of the child to freedom of thought, conscience and religion. It their universally recognized human right. Have a look at the excerpts from the Convention of the Rights of the Child. It would also be useful for you to read my tips on raising Tolerant World Citizens in my article Cultivate Cultural Identify of Your Modern Family in Respect for Diversity.
Convention on the Rights of the Child
Article 14
1. States Parties shall respect the right of the child to freedom of thought, conscience and religion."
2: "States Parties shall respect the rights and duties of the parents and, when applicable, legal guardians, to provide direction to the child in the exercise of his or her right in a manner consistent with the evolving capacities of the child [...] (c) The development of respect for the child's parents, his or her own cultural identity, language and values, for the national values of the country in which the child is living, the country from which he or she may originate, and for civilizations different from his or her own".
United Nations Declaration on the Elimination of All Forms of Intolerance and of Discrimination Based on Religion or Belief
Article. 5
1. The parents or, as the case may be, the legal guardians of the child have the right to organize the life within the family in accordance with their religion or belief and bearing in mind the moral education in which they believe the child should be brought up.
2. Every child shall enjoy the right to have access to education in the matter of religion or belief in accordance with the wishes of his parents or, as the case may be, legal guardians, and shall not be compelled to receive teaching on religion or belief against the wishes of his parents or legal guardians, the best interests of the child being the guiding principle. [...]
4. In the case of a child who is not under the care either of his parents or of legal guardians, due account shall be taken of their expressed wishes or of any other proof of their wishes in the matter of religion or belief, the best interests of the child being the guiding principle.Main Takeaways:
Freedom of religion or belief is a human right that should be respected. Nobody can be obligated.
All religions teach "Do no harm". Make sure that if disagreements on religion arise that you do not harm each, especially children as they are not well-equipped to make such an important decision themselves as faith or belief. Educate them first, given them a free space to make a good and well-informed choice.
All religions profess kindness, compassion, love and respect. Make sure that your intentions and behaviors towards your family members are based on and guided by kindness. compassion, love and respect for each other.
The Best Way to Resolve conflicts and disagreements: a dialogue, effective communication, explanations and understanding the stand point and view of the other person on that particular subject and situation.
Educate and explain to the family members about the goals, meaning and motivation of your actions and respective decisions.
Coercion, pressure and the use of physical force and psychological pressure are prohibited.
Keep an open mind and an understanding heart full of love.
At Modern Parenting for New and Experienced Parents, we teach to raise The World Citizens. A child who would be able to feel confident in any environment when becomes an adult. A child who is tolerant and respectful of diversity. A child to grow into adult living a sustainable life. A child with a great set of life skills to navigate in our globalized world. Your Child. How do you parent? What's your aimed end-result? We can help you to take The well-informed decisions on respectful childcare to raise the Healthy&Happy World Citizens.
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The Eid is the time to create beautiful moments with the people you love. Family is our strength. Happy and healthy Family is our blessing. From our Family to Yours: we wish your days and nights to be filled with hope and happiness, peace and prosperity! And we would like to make you a gift: Your Modern Parenting Club gifts you 50 % discount for all subscriptions and services during these special days (valid on 1-5 May 2022, PromoCode: Eid 2022). Subscribe for our monthly package or book an online session with Your Humble Life Coach for Parents.
Have a lovely celebration! May peace be upon you and your family!
Gulnoz,
Your Life Coach for Parents aka Oxford Human Rights Lawyer
Reminder: Healthy&Happy Children = Happy Parents!
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