That Saint Called Mother...
- Gulnoz Saydamin
- May 5, 2022
- 7 min read
Updated: May 6, 2022
"You will understand me better when you become a mother yourself..." has kept repeating my Mama.
Mama is My SuperHero
My Mama is an architect by education. She's designed very interesting objects in the beginning of her career. However, she's opted for a less demanding and flexible job of a university professor to dedicate more time and energy to her children. My Dad and Mom has discussed and reached an agreement. Speaking of The equal parenting and fair division of labor that we teach at Modern Parenting: check out our Equal Parenting Program. A Team. Fair. Respectful and Caring Partners. I have learned that from a good model of my parents. I proudly implement that in partnership with my Husband and teach new and experienced parents the basics of the equal parenting.
Now back to my Mama. At the moment when she's taken up the task to be in charge of kids, she's had a boy and a girl, toddlers with 1 year age difference. Practically twins. I wasn't projected yet. She's started teaching at the university. Spending all in-between terms breaks with my brother and sister, whilst my Dad was focused on his academic career of a professor and an environmentalist scientist. He was busy traveling the world, giving lectures on the environment protection, publishing his scientific discoveries in the Soviet Era of Uzbekistan.
My Mom practically was raising children by herself as Dad was often away on business trips. She was managing everything by herself. A Soviet woman, yet culturally and religiously Muslim. Despite the traditional society, she is an excellent example of a Strong&Independent Woman. A SuperWoman. My SuperHero. In 10 years after having her son (my brother), my parents decided to have another child - me. She's raised an honorable man and two Strong&Independent daughters. I should mention my Farther's contribution as well. He's travelled a lot to the different parts of the globe as a visiting professor and later as a diplomat (His Excellency the Ambassador of the Republic of Uzbekistan), Together with my Mom, they have created a cosmopolitan family respectful of the culture and traditions of our place of origin - Tashkent, Uzbekistan.
Despite living in a traditional society with the stereotypical gender roles, my parents have always treated their son and daughters equally without any discrimination based on gender. We were encouraged to obtain a good education of higher degree and a respectable profession. We were supported through ups and downs in following our dreams, personal growth and career success. at the same time, we were wished to create a happy family and have children. My Mama taught me how to manage a household since my age of 12-year old and has passed me all of her skills and experience to become an attentive, loving and caring mother...
In the past few weeks, we have almost lost her... It was a heavy experience. In addition to my struggles of "Life&Death" gambling with me in the past few 8 months. My Husband was persecuted and he's survived a bomb attack in Kabul, Afghanistan. Myself have survived Covid-19. And our 1-year old toddler has suffocated of hypoxia but saved by the emergency doctor... Read more details in the personal account of these experiences in my Letter to My Husband: The Afghan Diplomat in Exile. Well, my Mama was in the emergency care last week with a brain ischemia risking her brain cells to start dying out. She's 75 years old. The strong-willed woman has survived that nightmare and, thankfully, is recovering. I feel so grateful. I wasn't ready yet to loose my best friend of 40 years. My SuperHero... I will never be ready enough to loose that Saint in my life called Mother. Nobody ever is...
Transformational Experience: Becoming A Mother
I have become a mother myself at the age of 25 years old. "That early?!" you might exclaim. However, in our culture a girl of 23 years old is considered an old virgin. Girls are raised to play a traditional role in a family of a mother and a wife (totally disapprove!). Oh and yes: no sex before marriage (totally disapprove!). The virginity is verified...(totally disapprove!). However, my parents have encourage my professional and personal growth. I have become a lawyer. Don't hate me. I am a good lawyer (giggling). Human Rights Lawyer (smiling).
My firstborn is 15 years old teenager now. I have become a proud Mama in Vienna, Austria. My life has completely changed. Becoming a parent is a ife-changing experience. I was reborn a different person. I have lost myself in the Motherhood at some point. I have become pregnant in Zagreb (Croatia) during my internship and received my first serious job offer at the same time: to serve in the OSCE Mission in Kosovo. Post-war hardship environment. Destroyed infrastructure. Lack of qualitative healthcare. Regular electricity cuts. Permanent risk of life. Separation with my husband. I have taken a difficult decision: I have chosen both - my baby boy and the start of career.
It was very hard. But I made it. I have travelled to Vienna, practically 9-months pregnant to deliver in better healthcare conditions. We flew back to Kosovo with a few weeks old baby. I was not entitled for a maternity leave as it was non-family duty station. I was granted a special unpaid leave of 2 months by the Head of Mission. I was joking: "You don't want my labor to start and me delivering during the shuttle diplomacy negotiations or at a conference or at another serious meeting..." (laughing). When my baby-boy has turned 6 weeks, I was back to my duty. I am proud that nevertheless I have breastfed him till his age of 2 years old (God bless milk-pumps and babysitters!). I was lucky to be joined by my husband during the most difficult 3 years of my life. First time mother. Abroad. No family. Back to service with 1-month old baby. It was a transformational journey. I have understood my Mama much better after I have become a Mother myself.
Reinvent Yourself: "New You!" Program
Interestingly, I was sure that after becoming a mother with my firstborn son, it would be a piece of cake with my second child. I have promised that would be kinder and more compassionate to myself (definitely, would be to work after the baby's turned 6 weeks old). And I've kept the promise to myself. Took a maternity break of 2 years. I have put on hold every professional and academic activity. Plus, the Covid- 19 pandemic prompted the immediate stop for safety and healthy development of a baby in my belly. I was only 1 month pregnant when a quarantine was announced in Geneva (Switzerland) in March 2020.
We've welcomed our newborn in Geneva. During the second wave of pandemic. I am used to hardships but... being anxious and scared for the health and life of our children is indeed very heavy. Thankfully, I didn't have to deliver in a mask at least as was tested negative for Covid, whilst, everyone in the labor room, including my Husband, had to wear a mask. The first year of my second son's life was still tense due to the continued global pandemic, his health issues and numerous personal challenges.
And yet. I have lost myself. As a person. Who am I? I didn't expect that. I thought that one-time Mother, I have already made my transition. Nothing would be different after the second child. But it was. A woman becomes a different person after each delivery. I have reinvented myself. Once again. I have become even better version of myself. That made me develop "New You!" Program. Confident. Daring. Feisty. Glamorous... Describes you? If not, you should sign up for an online session!
It is a well-known fact that after each childbirth, a woman is reborn too. However, it seems you have ceased to exist. New Mom's life becomes centered on her newborn. Do you feel as lost your identity? That's an excellent opportunity to reinvent yourself. Who do you want to become? Or maybe you're a stay-at-home Mom for years taking care of child/ren. Your daily routine mainly includes childcare and housework. Do you feel yourself? Or you want more from your life? Or can't find yourself after a painful divorce? If you can relate, book a session and create New You in 2022! Let's find the Best Version of You!
On the the occasion of the Mother's Day, we have a special gift for you. Two gifts: "New You" self-assessment questionnaire and 50% discount on the first session of the "New You" Program.
Fill up this questionnaire, send it to my e-mail: gulnoz.saydaminova@gmail.com and receive FREE feedback on your responses.
AND
Book your session now and here with 50% discount (the special offer is valid on 5-15 May 2022, promocode: mothersday2022).
So, why to create NEW YOU together with me?
Many reasons:
Happy&Healthy Mama = Happy Family
I’ve been you, reinvented myself and created New Me.
You will learn from the Oxford-graduated Human Rights Lawyer with considerable international career achievements, whilst being The Expat Mom for 15 years.
Your Life Coach has been happily divorced with a kid for 10 years and she's currently happily married with 2 kids.
Make a gift to yourself that nobody would...
Do you need more reasons to try it out? Why not? Roll your dice. We live once!
"New You!" Program aims to give you a step-by-step guide of my “re-invent yourself” concept. It includes:
- Personal SWAT analysis
- Visualisation of New You
- Theory of change
- Results-based management (planning, monitoring and evaluation of progress)
In the following areas:
- SelfCare: physical and mental health
- SelfPresentation: personal style
- Professional growth, career change or obtaining profession
- Improving relationships with partner, children, in-laws and other relatives
- Social life: diversification
Final Thoughts
Unfortunately, I was on Mission when my Farther passed away 15 years ago. I was late to his funeral. Couldn't say my last good-bye to him... And before that, I have seen him only once in 6 years as we both were on duty and somehow haven't coordinated our annual leave well enough to see each other. I regret that to this day... For 15 Years. I am not repeating that mistake with my Mama. When was the last time you've seen your Mother? Gave her a call or visited her? Brought her flowers and chocolates just like that? The Mother's Day is a good occasion. Now off we go to get some fresh flowers to bring our Mothers and the Mothers of your child/ren. If you need more convincing, read my 20K reads at Discover article Fresh Flowers at Home Make Your Family Healthier&Happier (modernparenting.online)
Dear new and experienced Mamas,
Cherish yourself. You Are The Saint! Treat yourself as your Mom would on Mother's Day and everyday. Gift yourself that precious time and effort that hardly remains just for you. Show some Love to Yourself. You matter. Your Feelings matter. Your well-being matters. Book Your Session Now!
Looking forward to meet and find the Best Version of You. We're stronger together!
Have a lovely celebration.
Gulnoz,
Your Life Coach for Parents aka Oxford Human Rights Lawyer
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